Hello Manipal

Finally I have entered Manipal, the land where no parent wants to send their kid to, the land every kid wants to go to. A city High on life, masti, hot girls (apparently) and some education thrown in somewhere in between.

Thirty years ago when a resolution was passed in the Indian parliament amidst protests from the farmers and Arvind Kejriwal (he is in every protest right?) that a beautiful rhyme, a secret prayer “Rain Rain go away, little Johnny wants to play” has to be taught compulsorily, I guess Manipal either did not want to be a part of it or they do not have a kid Johnny who actually says this from his heart. It has been raining incessantly since I have arrived in this city and moreover there is no Raveena Tandon dancing around in an orange saree. As a member of the society of gentlemen for appreciation of ladies in sarees in heavy rain, I was greatly disappointed. A great man Gabbar aptly gave words to my frustration when he said “BAHUT NAINSAAFI HAI”.

Moving on drenched by thinking about rains, Manipal is a city filled with students. I guess they actually outnumber the flies that you find hovering around a delicious juicy jalebi beside the railway station drain. Basically, it is a city filled with educational institutions right from pre-school to the post graduate level. You realize that almost all the institutions leaving a paltry few are started, run and named after the PAI family. I actually dreamt that I was a tax inspector/wannabe actor who could go around the institutions roll his sunglasses, wink and pop a cigarette and then say “Pai, Pai ki kimat chukani padegi”, but that would be in a parallel universe where I would be good enough in mathematics to become a tax inspector and I was woken up by my roommate before the dream ended. Saala Padhakoo kamina hai mera roomie.

For a guy in his youth like yours truly, it is important to at least act hipster to stand out in a crowd or be noticed. Here in Manipal it is quite easy to do that. Firstly you are already a hipster if your surname is not PAI because that is the name that seems to be omnipresent. Secondly, do not carry an umbrella, I repeat Ondu chatri sagisuva illa (yes I have started learning kannada maadi). Every tom dick and harry carries an umbrella here for obvious reasons. Show them you are different, jog in the rain daily, enjoy the nature and then complain about the lack of medical facilities in the institution after you get pneumonia. Trust me it is worth it. Third and most importantly do not carry a camera, that DSLR wala camera.

Camera reminds me, Manipal is a very picturesque place, high hills suddenly sloping down to beautiful beaches, greenery all around with the occasional King Cobra or that reptilian specie which you can never identify and feel like the anchor of Man vs Wild until you end up disturbing it so much that you have to complain about the medical facility again when you get a rash or that round Mayawati like thing on your skin because of a bite.

One important lesson that I have learnt here is, if you have a friend who is going to Manipal, mute him on facebook and instagram as soon as possible. According to a random statistical study every 3.4 out of 4 students feel that they are professional national geographic photographers as soon as they put their right toe on the soil of Manipal. The remaining 0.6 move around in suits wanting to be photographed (true story). The infinite monkey theorem “"Even a monkey will write Shakespeare if given enough time" applies here and this person will take and share so many photos until either he gets a masterpiece or dies after he gets bit by a reptile. There have been instances of the camera walking up to the police station and complaining about being molested by their owner.

I have about 21 more months to left to be spent over here, so I am pretty sure I will spread more insights into this wonderful city (I mean it). In the meanwhile you will have to wait to know more as I need to go jogging in the rain and disturb a reptile.Bye.

Beauty - A pursuit?

A mystery which has aroused curiosity over ages? A perception that has resulted in wars? A smile that has billions swooning over it? A streak of self confidence? Aesthetic to the eye? Something that does inexplicable things to that ‘oh so sensitive organ’ you call heart? What is beauty?

Go to a mall, ask a 17 year old guy he would say”Yo dude! For me it’s that sexy girl in a mini skirt, look at her curves man”, a teenage girl may say “It’s like that thing like you feel comfortable like in your skin” (pardon the excessive use of 'like', but that’s how teenage girls speak nowadays)…

For that tribe in the southern tip of India it must be the number of piercings on the face, for the Japanese it is how small the feet are, for a particular tribe that I saw on discovery channel it must be the number of neck rings accommodated, in this modern world the previous two instances of beauty could be portrayed as mutilation and cruelty but for those people it is beauty. For my two year old cousin it is that BARBIE’s hair which is beautiful, for me it’s the ‘oh so sexy’ Mila Kunis and for my dad it’s that girl with oiled hair in a neat cotton sari and a self assuring smile.

So do u see something common until now which can define beauty, exactly! The answer is ‘NO’. Somerset Maugham once beautifully said, “Beauty is an ecstasy; it is as simple as hunger. There is really nothing to be said about it. It is like the perfume of a rose: you can smell it and that is all”. There is no perfect definition of beauty, but what is beautiful is the pursuit of the definition of “BEAUTY”. Beauty is something which makes your heart skip a beat.. What we think about it doesn't matter, in fact beauty doesn't let u think...BAMM!! and there u see it's effect.This pursuit takes us on an exciting journey of discovery of what pleases the eye and what pleases the heart and is there something that appeals to both.


You will never see a Jassi (from Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin) endorse a premium beauty brand, what you will see is no less than a Mona Singh (Jassi in real life), but then the protagonist of the serial tells she is beautiful and I can bet that majority of viewers found Jassi more beautiful than Mona Singh.

That’s how contrasting beauty is, people who are a little imperfect in appearance yet interesting with a sense of humor and exude self confidence always exude beauty, some may call it inner beauty, but what the hell, beauty inner or outer is beauty, and this beauty comes out with success, independence and lack of insecurity. On the other hand, people with that perfect nose and body, yet completely dumb or masking themselves in mountains of make-up due to insecurities fail to impress the eye or the heart; interestingly here it is the person who takes the beating not the definition of beauty.

Does that tiny crease or that pimple on your face make you feel less beautiful, that wrinkle, that aging sign or any physical mark for that matter. It does help to have a flawless skin and that perfect white teeth smile it makes you more comfortable in your skin, but at the end of the day like everything else in life it’s all about the “BHEJA” of yours. How do you take that progression in age, gracefully or depressingly, use the products available without hesitation you deserve it, feel good about yourself that is the first step you can take towards getting beautiful.

At the end of the day each and everyone is beautiful, it’s when and how you realize it and are able to portray it, beauty is just an abstract feeling which can never be defined, the 17 year olds in the beginning of the article were right ,so was my cousin, so is the owner of the multinational beauty company who takes only leggy sexy actresses, no one is wrong and as I realize at the end of this short sweet journey I took to define beauty, it is still undefined and I sign off with this wonderful quote

“Beauty is no quality in things themselves. It exists merely in the mind which contemplates them.” – David Hume

JAI HO SPECTRUM ALL IN ONE :my JNTU saga

In the dark corners of the engineering world lies a university so cruel and sadistic known to mere mortals as JNTU. Scoring 70 percent is a big deal and with a class like mine there is salt added to injury when you score 70 too.

What happens is that the JNTU management takes the liberty of showing the anger they have for their spouses on the students, so we have a rocking semester which has 48 units plus 30 experiments packed into a maximum of 120 days,with the bandh it can come down to a paltry 80 days,then comes the baap of everything JNTU EXAMS…

It is during this time that Tigers become pussies scampering around KOTI bookstores ,lecturers and pussies roar in their new found happiness and this hell breeds different types of creatures who come into their own just before these exams

ENTHIRAN A.K.A ROBO types

These people are seen around very rarely. Don’t listen to arbitrary comments. Cleanly set up everything from pencil to pad and most importantly hold a book 10 minutes before exam just to show off whereas in their minds they are virtually writing answers to the most probable questions lists already. Characterized by neat formal dresses and the serious”I will achieve whatever the case is” look.

Dreadful mugger

These types are found aplenty all over the college,they remember even the page number along with the paragraph and line number for a particular question.The page number of questions along with the author and the publication year are remarkably spewed out...

Why are they dreadful? It is because they tense people by telling answers which one might have not even imagined in their wildest dreams,you will be shocked when you are explaining someone an answer, they keep interfering by correcting a few prepositions and adding punctuation orally,Characterized by completely bitten nails and neatly combed hair and constant bee humming sound which is actually their voice while revising.

The cutting master

They are the people who belong to the above two categories but come up ten minutes before and tell “WHAT EXAM IS IT TODAY, Damn I came to know about it this morning” and slowly they become creatures who have suddenly mutated to become better than the toppers.Characterized by the suspicious corner of the eye look and secret laughs as other minions around them discuss the subject

The helpful tensed man

They are perpetually tensed for gaining as much knowledge as possible even a second before exam, if given a chance they will come to write the exam 10 minutes late, they are helpful to people around them as they believe their give and take policy will make them more perfect, the more knowledge they give, the more they gain.Characterized by frequent hair combing with hands… the ponting face (click here to know the look) as someone explains some concept…. Frequent visits to toilet and excessive intake of water too

“I do it for the kick” man

They don’t come prepared talk about subjects in military lingo, don’t give a shit about marks and are usually the chit addicts, this type always want to have an adrenaline rush even if they are going to get royally screwed in the exams.We can always see them with a pen and paper in their hand, no they are not writing to prepare instead they are making chits instantly as people discuss concepts. I know one person who goes nowadays with an empty chit to the exam hall so that he can get the feel of the thrilling atmosphere.Characterized by suppressed tension and a stupid attempt to look cool and frequent punch dialogues to the aforementioned categories…

The knocked out pessimist

Having panic attacks every half an hour while preparing for the exam,unknowingly goes to sleep with the book falling down,believes in the last second and is damn sure that failure is the most probable outcome so is always the most happiest person coming out of the exam hall.Characterized by dreary eyes red in color and most probably unshaven and grumpy face along with the messy hair

These are the general categories of people you find around …although many other types exist they are minorities and I go against my country's policies by not giving the reservations to the minorities in this list and have blissfully omitted them

With that you have seen the type of characters bred in hell so don’t be surprised once you die and end up in hell… I am sure it will be better than this at least… and finally JAI HO SPECTRUM ALL IN ONE

Are you fanaticized?

Being caught suddenly by a trove of this breed is quite entertaining and at the same time funny to see what they preach, especially if you know such a person outside this fanatic world of gibberish preaching.

One thing that I could automatically realize is that religious fanaticism comes not from deep rooted faith, but from lack of any. There are many people who end up being fanatics for one reason or another as i discovered a few days back.

Fanatics are just jobless and clueless people pretty much the same situation I am in right now, but these people haven’t discovered the daru that I have and are putting their thoughts towards the pseudo attempt to save a dying religion from the clutches of evil ( I wouldn’t imagine a person trying to do this even if he was high but still this is the bitter reality that needs to be swallowed). A Fanatic is such a person who will almost succeed in convincing you that other than believing in god and living a moral life there are other things to do pertaining to your religion so that you can get

a)no rebirth …a bed in Himalayas and a handful of angels

b)72 virgins not specified if guys or girls

c)the golden chance to party with the gods with free liquor flowing around

d)the simple pleasure of having wings(no youngistaan not the ones you get at kfc...i am talking about the ones you get under your armpits)

Choose the option connected to your religion and if your confused about it choose option D you do realize then that you are a tom and jerry fanatic instead.

How to identify a fanatic (or) Different types of fanatics (or) Shithole filled with crap identification

a)He beats the shit out of every woman he comes across wearing something western with the reason being as simple as being rejected as a loser by a similarly dressed girl when he blabbered shit about religion and most probably slapped or spat upon when he started the KLPD demonstrations( read the first three meanings after clicking klpd to completely comprehend what it is)

b)Sends random mails to random people related to JEHAD(love jehad is really the funniest shit that I have read till now)or something related to all other religions other than his.These things come from a person who has not understood his own religion and is weak in his own faith and has no frigging idea what the source of the article he is spreading was.

c)When you communicate all you get is abstract and completely irrelevant talk with chants of their respective god names at the end of each sentence.They don’t have any replies to the topic actually being discussed.I have observed two levels of such people

fanatic level 1:-The same god name chant will be repeated in the same tone always

fanatic level 2:-Different chants with different tones matching the tone of the line they just said.This requires lot of practice and extreme levels of experience in KLPD too

d)When you talk to him you will most probably end up confused and more confused and even more confused about your belief.He will take his preaching to such nonsensical levels that you will haplessly search for support and will be ready to fall on his feet and tell him to close the shithole called his mouth(of course very politely)or as my famous bearded lecturer says, “IN OTHER WORDS” you will feel exactly like those IIT crash course days where you would sit on your ass for 6 hours and come out failing to remember everything that you learned in school

e)Finally, if none of the above criteria is satisfied and you are still experiencing the symptoms of getting nowhere then most probably the fanatic you have encountered is a drunk beggar on the street who doesn’t know what he is blabbering about and you are also just too drunk

Finally what you learn from the whole experience is

This fanatic is a jobless freak who just wasted 20 minutes of your anyhow useless time telling something even more useless.The fanatic feels he has made u get rid of your so called attitude problem and enlightened you with some good shit(not the ganja type shit)

If you are religiously ignorant then you would have learnt the name of a few new gods and saints in your religion,If you fight with pigs in shit you too end up getting shitty and that is exactly how you are left feeling.

Most importantly you need a beer right now

So to end it all if this article makes you feel just like I expressed in the above points then you are a fanatic but ignorant about it and all the self proclaimed saviours of religion reading this all I want is haleem throughout the year …kalmadi should be made the president of USA and finally I want a permanent 6 pack abs…OM SHANTI SHANTI as my favorite fanatic puts it!!

P.S.: the frequent occurrence of bold words and italics are the side effects of writing answers in college externals

BLIND FAITH INVESTMENT : NOT THE RIGHT THING

The headlines of today’s national dailies screamed that some businessman contributes 33 crore rupees to the tirumala temple as a donation. This is a common occurrence that huge sums of money ranging from lakhs to crores are regularly donated as religious offerings to temples and other spiritual places

What could the reason be for such huge donations... satisfaction or eliminating guilt or both of them? Recently a festival “GURU POORNIMA” attracted hundreds of people to the sai baba temple near my house... every one contributed at least a sum of 2000 rupees towards the temple…looking at people braving the rains and standing in the crowd just to get a glimpse of the rituals being performed shocked me..

Where does such huge amount of money come from… more importantly where does it go and most importantly does it really improve the quality of life of the donors…if I had to comment by experience I would say no it doesn’t improve the quality of life of the donor … there is man braving the same rains standing outside the temple trying to sell phenyl for rs 20 just to support the mentally handicapped kids in his foundation.. None seem to worry about him and he was blissfully ignored... and the sad thing was that he was not begging instead he was making something useful and asking us to buy it so that he can run his foundation

A temple made completely of gold … the millions on lights used to lit up the akshardham temples… just give a bad signal towards what’s wrong with blind faith...everyone wants to go to heaven when they can make earth a utopia to live in..
Yes there maybe arguments about these temples improving the life of downtrodden people but that improvement is very less than what can actually be done to improve these situation presently prevailing in our country.. don’t blame the politicians for corruption and waiving public money, just think how morally corrupt have we become that we have started bribing the so called gods to feel good or get rid of the sins done… a small favor like giving lift to an elderly man gave me so much happiness then just imagine, these people can get infinite happiness but doing small but helpful work every day instead of investing in blind faith and idiotic superstitions..

Finally the argument boils down to me talking out like a communist… this isn’t how a communist talks that’s what I want to say…. And please make a conscious effort to invest in someone instead of just blind faith….

Oh how i miss those days....

Oh how I miss those beautiful days …when I could break windows playing cricket in gullys and still be forgiven….when a nurse after giving an injection in the buttocks would kiss me… when I could go around during anytime of the day doing nothing and not getting scolded for it… when I could make my mother feed me food without anyone teasing me "you have grown big"… when I could jump on my dad’s stomach and my dad would play with me… when I could be carried around all the rooms on the back of my uncle… when sex, porn and condoms were just a figment of imagination…when similar feelings existed towards everyone and no special feelings towards anyone else…when emotional and horror movies were comedies and comedies complicated...when i could just roam around my house in chaddi and baniyan and slip on any dress without any sense of style or fashion...when i had to fight for a 50 paisa chocolate...

How I wished then I could grow up quickly and how I wish now why the former wish came true…truly miss those innocent mischievous days………

BEAUTY MUSINGS...

CHARLES DARWIN once told that when it comes to maintenance of one’s own self ,the male species always lag behind. There is nothing wrong in that we see "male humans" playing in the hot sun and do all stuff which can damage their skin, although there is a new breed called “METROSEXUALS” coming up who even thread their eyebrows OUCH!!!!. So inspired by my grandmother’s enthusiasm to make me fairer and acne and pimple free I agreed to apply whatever concoction she made for a few days and guys trust me never get inspired by your grandmother’s enthusiasm.



I became a canvas for experiments on skin, the first day was a mixture of besan and curd, the next day a mixture of besan, curd and honey, the third day was aloe Vera with neem. When none of them could stay on my face for more than 5 minutes(in fact I was shocked that I could bear that stench for 5 minutes) my grandmother gave up and I was back to my “PERFECTING THE ART OF LAZINESS” ways, so all the guys out there DON’T get inspired by your grandmother’s enthusiasm you wont be able to bear it.

We are all the same male species that CHARLES DARWIN observed

ENGAGED!!

“JAB APNE AAP KO PHONE KARTHE HAIN THO ENGAGED AATHA HAI
KYONKI AADMI DOOSRON SE MIL JHUL KAR, APNE AAP KO BHUL JAATHA HAI”

I was wondering today…. One of the most basic things that we know signifies such an important feature of our lives…have u anytime tried to call your own number from ur phone..what happens everytime …the number is “ENGAGED”.. so did it provoke ur mind now….

What I mean to say is that this basic phenomenon is showing a modern day trend… with the advent of social networking and cheap smses(the good old days when a trunk call from hyd to delhi cost 90rs per 5 minutes are over) has made us so busy interacting with other people around us ,socializing and becoming information hungry that there has been a huge disconnect from ourselves. We are just worried about people around us what is going around us that we have forgotten the most important person in our life “ourselves”… never do we introspect our own actions , never do we evaluate ourselves, never do we worry about our lifestyle .. all we are worried about is faking around a completely different lifestyle and creating a hollow or a deep vaccum inside ourselves…

Never be engaged to yourselves..although thru phones this is not possible what I am saying is that don’t forget yourselves while keeping up with friends and enjoy every moment of life and know thyself